CLEVELAND, OH – With the Republican Party National Convention in Cleveland fast approaching, a Death Star has taken position in geostationary orbit directly above the city.
“We’re not really sure what to make of it, other than it probably isn’t a good sign,” said Cleveland Mayor Frank Jackson. “People were already on edge about the whole Trump nomination fight coming to a head here, but we’re used to painful, long-running trainwreck scenarios. If we can endure Johnny Manziel and the Browns, we can surely handle Trump and a Death Star.”
But not all Cleveland area residents are as optimistic as Mayor Jackson.
Janice Partee, a homemaker in nearby Lakewood, noted that she is “really freaked out” and “not sure how this is even possible”.
“I mean, I didn’t even think the Death Star was real,” added the clearly distressed mother of three. “But then again, who thought anything as insane and irrational as a Trump presidency could be real just a few months ago?”
Yet as time goes on, the nerves of many are settling as they come to grips with the new normal of life in Cleveland.
“Waking up to a Death Star hovering over your head isn’t exactly the most comfortable way to start a day, but you get used to it after a while,” added downtown steel worker Greg Porter. “Kind of like the thought of Trump actually becoming President.”
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