ATLANTA, GA – Spectacularly successful, well educated businesswoman and entrepreneur Monica Covington has finally acknowledged that the reason she doesn’t homeschool her children is that she can’t stand to be around them for any substantial amount of time.
“Obviously, with advanced formal training in statistical analysis, marketing and business management, I’m more than capable of teaching children how to read, write, and do math,” admitted Ms. Covington, “but I can’t stand even the thought of spending that much time around Jezebel (7) and Damien (9). I love them more than the vast majority of my incredible, luxurious possessions, but I just don’t think I could endure more than a few hours a day of being in the same room with them.”
Neighboring residents in the Covingtons’ gated community confirmed Ms. Covington’s assessment of the unbearable nature and insufferable disposition of little Damien and Jezebel, who were universally described by neighbors as “completely self-absorbed” and “spoiled rotten materialistic little brats”.
“Oh yeah, there’s no way I could be around those two – or even one of ’em – for much more than 20 minutes,” said William Hathaway, whose estate borders the Covingtons’. “30 minutes, tops.”
“Look, she’s got everything a woman could want,” added long time Covington BFF and mother of three similarly self-absorbed children, Jessica Hampton. “Monica’s incredibly successful. She has a beautiful home, beautiful things, and takes beautiful vacations. She’s debt free, and she’s worked very hard to get there.”
“Now that she’s made it and is free to do what she’s best at and enjoys most, why would she want to spend so much of her time bogged down teaching her children when she can just hand them over to the professionals and spend her days doing the things she really loves?”
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