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Pope Finally Admits He’s The Anti-Christ

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Pope Anti-Christ

VATICAN CITY – After many long centuries of speculation, accusation, aversion and denial, the reigning Bishop of Rome, Pope Francis, finally admitted today that he is, in fact, the Anti-Christ.

“Has there ever really been any doubt?” asked the Pope/Anti-Christ rhetorically through his Sith-to-English translator at a grand event celebrating his coming out. “I am literally surrounded by the most gaudy display of material wealth imaginable, much of which has been squeezed from the poorest people of the world. I’m a universalist. I head by far the most pedophile-enabling organization on earth. I’m about as satanically progressive as it gets. I hawk global warming and socialism at every opportunity. The list goes on and on…”

“So yeah, might as well take the title,” added the publicly unveiled lord of darkness, to be known hence forth as Pope Damien. “If the shoe fits, wear it.”

“And not only does it fit,” Pope Damien added with a happy grin and thumbs-up to the throng of adoring followers erupting in rapturous joy all around him.

“But it feels really good.”


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