NEW YORK, NY – In a brash, bold move sure to inspire his massive legion of followers, billionaire businessman and Republican Party frontrunner Donald J. Trump is launching what he calls “an absolutely amazing” new Presbyterian denomination of the Christian faith.
The new In Name Only (INO) denomination will cater to the spiritual needs and material desires of millions of professing Christians in America who, like Trump, prefer for their religion to stay out of the way and just make them feel good while they do pretty much whatever they want.
“This is going to be an absolutely amazing denomination,” boasted Trump, a self-identified Presbyterian, at a lavish press event held at his Taj Mahal Casino in Atlantic City. “It’s going to have nothing but the best: The best priests, the best prayers, the best and most comfortable pews, and the buildings…just wait until you see the buildings!”
The new denominational headquarters will be installed via helicopter drop atop Trump Tower in New York City, with convenient arrow signs marked “Heaven This Way” placed around the building so that In Name Only Presbyterians can easily find their way to the new denomination’s highest level of authority.
“We’re going to make Christianity great again!” added Trump while placing a freshly minted Make Christianity Great Again ball cap on his head. “We’re going to make religion great again! And we’re going to make America great again!”
“It’s going to be unbelievable!”
You can also get a detailed look into what we’re doing and why we’re doing it by reading Mocking The Prophets Of Baal: The Beauty And Power Of Christian Satire (And Why So Many People Hate It) over at FireBreathingChristian.com.