DAYTON, OH – A youth pastor at Dayton area megachurch The Bridge has become distraught after finding no basis whatsoever in Scripture for his position at the church, which he’s held for four years.
“I’ve looked and looked and looked,” said a clearly spent 25-year-old Chris Anderson while gazing off into the sky through sleep-deprived, bloodshot eyes. “The sad fact is that there’s nothing at all in there about segregating the church by age. Nothing! And did you know that what we call ‘youth’ have been understood to actually be adults through like 99% of human history?”
“The more I’ve looked into this, the more depressed I’ve become,” added the increasingly despondent megachurch youth pastor. “I just learned that adolescence is a man-made concept that popped up at around the turn of the twentieth century, so apparently my church and career are built much more upon man-made inventions that are barely 100 years old instead of on what the Bible actually says about church, children, adults, or pretty much anything else.”
When asked if this meant he’d be resigning his position and seeking a church that bases its approach to these things on Scripture rather than on secular psychology, marketing, or business strategies, Anderson perked up, rubbed his eyes and pulled himself to together.
“Oh no, I won’t be quitting. Anything but,” clarified the suddenly reinvigorated youth pastor. “I’m just so sad for all of those youth back in Bible times who didn’t have all of the awesome church building tools that we have now.”
“I’m only now coming to grips with the reality that these days we have much better ways of marketing and building churches than they did back in Bible times.”
“That’s the approach I plan to model and the lesson I aim to teach all the youth that God gives me to lead.”
You can also get a detailed look into what we’re doing and why we’re doing it by reading Mocking The Prophets Of Baal: The Beauty And Power Of Christian Satire (And Why So Many People Hate It) over at FireBreathingChristian.com.