TULSA, OK – The Third Baptist Church of Tulsa’s annual spring kickoff fellowship potluck meal descended into an out of control rampage of gluttonous excess according to several eye witnesses who attended the event.
“It started out pretty normal. There were buckets of chicken, stacks of pizza boxes, giant vats of pasta, tables full of loaded crock pots and a truckload or two of desserts. You know, pretty much what our congregation of about 40 is used to at any given potluck,” said long time Third Baptist Church member Terry Fowler, who attended the fellowship gathering with his wife and two young children, both of whom were severely traumatized by the experience.
“But something weird happened after Pastor Bob said the blessing. It was like everyone had a switch flip or something and the next thing you know we’re all in some kind of frenzy mode like you see on Animal Planet. We just totally lost control and dove at the tables of food like piranha getting after a t-bone dropped in the Amazon. It was awesome!”
With 12 of 42 Third Baptist Church members left hospitalized after the event, pastor Robert Hicks is planning a mandatory church-wide class on the proper pacing and chewing of meals.
“We definitely need to slow it down a little,” noted Hicks. “It’s a miracle nobody died this time around. If we want next year’s spring kickoff potluck to be casualty-free, we have to take this stuff seriously.”
When asked if perhaps a sermon series on the many passages of Scripture dealing with gluttony might be in order, pastor Hicks just sort of stared straight ahead with a confused look in his eyes.
“Gluttony? What’s that?”
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