LAKE MARY, FL – After years of embarrassingly flagrant flirtation and mindlessly fawning coverage of pop-culture megastar Justin Bieber, Charisma Magazine has finally come out of the closet as a full blown Belieber.
“Justin is taking such bold and musically brilliant stands for God that we felt compelled to publicly proclaim our unwavering support and giddy, girl-like adoration,” explained Charisma Managing Editor Clive Finkelstein while clutching a Justin Bieber action figure in one hand and lovingly caressing its head with the other. “He’s definitely earned the Charisma seal of approval!”
“When he’s not celebrating Easter by posting nude pictures of himself on Instagram, he’s sharing warm, fuzzy, universally appealing Bible passages that make people feel good about themselves regardless of what they’re actually doing with their lives,” added Finkelstein. “He’s such a positive thinker! The world needs more people with the faith of Justin Bieber!”
When informed last week of Charisma‘s star-struck infatuation and impending public endorsement, Bieber had signed prints of his most recent Calvin Klein underwear shoot sent to office staff at Charisma‘s Lake Mary headquarters. The pictures now permeate office walls, sprinkled around promotions for various Joyce Meyer, Benny Hinn and Joel Osteen products.
You can also get a detailed look into what we’re doing and why we’re doing it by reading Mocking The Prophets Of Baal: The Beauty And Power Of Christian Satire (And Why So Many People Hate It) over at FireBreathingChristian.com.