GARY, IN – Millions and millions of self-described conservative Christian Americans continue to flock to Republican presidential candidate Donald J. Trump because, as they proudly report time and time again, “he tells it like it is”.
“He knows how to make America a winner again because he understands the real world and tells it like it is,” said 76-year-old Republican and professing Christian Freda Collins of the strip-club promoting, wife-upgrading, unrepentantly materialistic and adulterous Trump. “He’s exactly the kind of man that we need to make America great again!”
The proudly unrepentant casino-owning multi-billionaire has only increased his svengali-like grip upon the unrepentant hearts and materialistic minds of tens of millions of professing Christians in America since his campaign began, and there’s no sign that The Donald’s evangelical-fueled momentum will fade anytime soon.
“He just tells it like it is,” said George Porter, 54, a Valparaiso businessman and professing Christian who’s recently become a vocal, hard core Trump supporter. “He knows how the real world works. He understands that if we’re ever going to turn things around in America, we have to do whatever it takes. And sometimes what it takes is gigantic moral compromise and the open, unrepentant abandonment of even the most basic Christian principles.”
Some of Trump’s self-identified Christian supporters seem to at least peripherally notice the satanic foundation of Trump’s worldview, but just don’t seem to care.
“Sure, I know that pretty much everything the guy stands for is exactly the opposite of what the Bible says,” admitted Harriet James, a 68-year-old retired public school teacher and longtime church choir leader who plans to vote Trump in the upcoming Indiana primary. “But we have to realize that those Bible values don’t really apply here and now. They’re for heaven or the future or church or our private lives or whatever. The whole ‘repent and submit to God’ thing is really sweet and sure sounds nice, but that’s not actually going to help us here and now in the real world. What we need now isn’t Christ-centered brokenness and repentance, but a double dose of self-centered All-American pride and determination.”
“And nobody understands that better than Donald Trump!”
You can also get a detailed look into what we’re doing and why we’re doing it by reading Mocking The Prophets Of Baal: The Beauty And Power Of Christian Satire (And Why So Many People Hate It) over at FireBreathingChristian.com.