FAYETTEVILLE, AR – With the latest wave of spring and summer break seasons upon us and millions of American college students planning all manner of licentious debauchery as a part of their now-routine approach to recreation, Christian parents across the nation are once again happily seizing the opportunity to blame college life for destroying the Christian faith that their children never had.
“When my sweet little Connor and Johnny left for university, they were model Christian American teenagers,” recalled Karen McCoy, 42-year-old mother of two hard partying All-American sons attending the University of Arkansas. “They were in Sunday School every week. They did VBS every summer. They were regulars in the youth group and did all kinds of church lock-ins. Sure, they listened to the same music, wore the same clothes, told the same jokes and drank the same cheap beer as everyone else, but they were really good hearted and kind underneath it all.”
“They were model American Christian boys.”
“So it was obviously a real shock when they went off to the college that we paid for and almost immediately started doing all the same raunchy, disgusting, depraved things that everyone else was doing there,” added Robert McCoy, Karen’s husband and father of John and Connor. “After trusting our church professionals to train up our children for us in Sunday School and sending them off to be educated in schools by some of the finest Christian professional teachers we know, you can imagine how surprised we were when our sons didn’t miraculously blossom into young men of Christian character and conviction. After dutifully investing so much time soaking our boys in a passive, easy, super-fun and professionally managed Christian American subculture, you can imagine our surprise when John and Connor went off to college and almost instantaneously became indistinguishable from garden variety pagans.”
“It’s as though college life was able to undo in an instant all that we’d done for our sons over their entire lives. Now it’s like our sons were never the good, kind, Christian boys that we raised – or allowed others to raise for us.”
“We will never forgive college life for doing this to our children!”
You can also get a detailed look into what we’re doing and why we’re doing it by reading Mocking The Prophets Of Baal: The Beauty And Power Of Christian Satire (And Why So Many People Hate It) over at FireBreathingChristian.com.