PARIS – In what once would have earned him a one-way ticket to the loony bin, Kansas City native and longtime eccentric Greg Powell was instead immediately rushed to Paris and installed as Grand Marshal of the French army.
“Well, what else were we supposed to do?” asked Dr. George Oppenheimer of Kansas City’s Bellevue Psychiatric Hospital, where Powell had been interned for three years prior to his public self-identification as Napoleon. “If the man honestly feels and sincerely believes himself to be the greatest military mind to ever lead the French people and military, who are we to disagree? Who are we to get in the way of that?”
Once representatives of the U.S. and French governments got wind of his public proclamation of Napoleonhood, Powell was whisked away by U.S. diplomatic personnel and taken to Paris, where he was handed off to ranking officials of the French government, who immediately knelt in submission and heaped praise upon their new dictatorial leader.
When asked for comment while inspecting a parade of French tank and artillery units in preparation for the inevitable war coming soon somewhere with somebody, Powell expressed regret that he “hadn’t tried this sooner”.
“It’s still hard to believe that this is real,” added the recently interred psycho between salutes. “Just a year or two ago I would have been put in solitary for ‘self-identifying’ as Napoleon.”
“But look who’s running the asylum now!”
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