OKLAHOMA CITY, OK – American conservatives – especially those who self-identify as Christians – tend to significantly prefer Ten Commandments plaques, memorials and movies to the actual Ten Commandments of God to man, according to a recent study conducted by group of people daring to notice how things like mosques, witches covens, and satanic temples are being defended by organizations like the Southern Baptist Convention (SBC) as “legitimate expressions of the freedom to worship in America”.
“We can’t be saying ‘you can’t build a mosque here’ if we want to be allowed to build Christian churches here in America, now can we?” asked the SBC’s Dr. Russell Moore rhetorically while smiling broadly and lovingly caressing the flag pin on his lapel. “We have to understand that, while things like Ten Commandments plaques and posters and monuments are nice and all, we don’t actually believe that what they actually say actually applies to us right here and now in America. Oh no! To say that we actually ought to do what the Commandments of God actually tell us to…well…that’s just plain crazy! That’s extreme!”
“That would practically make us just like the Taliban or ISIS, and we don’t want that.”
According to the study, roughly 8 out of 10 self-described conservative Christians in America basically agree with this approach to religious liberty, even after acknowledging that it pretty much flies directly in the face of the First Commandment listed in the very same Ten Commandments that 99.994% of the same people claim to desperately want displayed in plaque, poster, or monument form in public schools, courts, libraries, and various government buildings across the land.
The report warned that if the First Commandment – proclaiming and defending exclusive reverence for God as God – is the foundation upon which the rest of The Commandments are built, then discarding the First Commandment could lead to a culture “pretty much exactly like we’re living in now”. The report also noted that “while American Christians claim a deep love and adoration for things like Ten Commandments plaques, posters, monuments and movies”, they actually “seem to pretty much hate the First Commandment in practice”.
“American Christians seem to view Ten Commandments plaques, posters, and monuments as lucky rabbits feet to be sprinkled around, rather than as containing actual commands from God that are to be read and obeyed.”
Report or no report, most American Christians seem to be right in line with the SBC approach to things.
“We have to respect and defend religious liberty,” added Dr. Moore. “Not as any particular God or Bible defines it, but as America defines it.”
“That’s why as good Christians we are committed to helping all Americans pursue and protect their right to openly worship whatever god thay want in whatever place of worship they like, including mosques, witches covens, satanic temples, or whatever…no matter what the Ten Commandments actually say.”
“Who are we to judge? We’re Southern Baptists.”
“God bless America!”
You can also get a detailed look into what we’re doing and why we’re doing it by reading Mocking The Prophets Of Baal: The Beauty And Power Of Christian Satire (And Why So Many People Hate It) over at FireBreathingChristian.com.