ASHEVILLE, NC – With summertime upon us, millions of Christian parents are once again banking on week-long Vacation Bible School programs run by their local churches to somehow, someway miraculously compensate for another year’s worth of their children’s explicitly anti-Christian worldview training in American public schools.
“We’re so glad that VBS is almost here!” explained Joyce Collins, 29 year-old professional businesswoman and mother of two young public school students at Asheville’s Karl Marx Elementary. “Our little Ruthie and Joshua really need the week of vaguely Bible story themed macaroni art crafting to help offset the thousands of hours of fundamentally anti-Christian thought that they’ve been immersed in all day long, five days a week, for the past nine months or so.”
“We’re soooo banking on VBS!”
Greg Collins, Joyce’s husband, agreed.
“With things getting worse and worse and more obviously evil in public schools all the time, it’s more important than ever to have a solid week of VBS come along once a year to help stem the tide of evil that our children are left to soak in for most of their waking, learning lives,” Mr. Collins explained while browsing through golf getaway vacation options on his iPhone. “It’s important that we keep our priorities straight.”
“And as for me and my household, we will rely on our church’s Sunday School and VBS programs to somehow magically make our daily satanic approach to children’s education work out alright in the end.”
You can also get a detailed look into what we’re doing and why we’re doing it by reading Mocking The Prophets Of Baal: The Beauty And Power Of Christian Satire (And Why So Many People Hate It) over at FireBreathingChristian.com.