ORLANDO, FL – In the aftermath of Sunday’s historic tragedy in Orlando, millions of already antsy Americans are being urged to continue melting into easily manipulated puddles of emotion while surrendering to a fear of everything and everyone but the Lord of creation.
In the hours since an ISIS-linked Muslim shot up a gay bar in Florida, politicians and talk show hosts from across the political spectrum, and even many pastors from across the country, have joined together on cue to call Americans everywhere to live in a manner driven by fear of everything and everyone but the one true God.
Self-identified conservatives have used the shooting to warn against the many dangers of liberalism and self-identified liberals have used the shooting to warn against the many dangers of conservatism, with both groups regularly making vague appeals to God or prayer or something Christiany sounding along the way.
But at no point have any of those pitching fear of everything but The Lord bothered to ask simple questions like, “Should we be allowing the open worship of false gods and open practice of homosexuality in America if God is God and He’s made it quite plain that He despises and will not tolerate such things?”
The call to fear everything but the Lord has been heeded by roughly 98.942% of the population, including 96.5% of those Americans who self-identify as “conservative Christians”, according to early tracking data released jointly this morning by CNN, Fox News, and The 700 Club.
“Americans are afraid of everything from ISIS and gay clubs to ebola and the measles,” the report noted in its closing summary. “Self-identified liberals fear Donald Trump, welfare cutbacks, and Republicans in general, while self-identified conservatives fear ISIS, Hillary Clinton, gay clubs, and losing their precious stuff.”
“But neither group registered anything even remotely referencing a healthy ‘fear of the Lord’ or regret concerning a ‘fear of breaking the law of God’.”
“Even self-identified conservatives who also self-identify as Christians seem to have totally bought into a fear of everything and everyone but The Lord.”
“Moreover, the vast majority of professing conservative Christians in America – 89% – actually still believe that protecting the open worship of false gods and the open practice of homosexuality is ‘a good thing’ and an ‘important American virtue’ worthy of protection at any and all costs…apparently including the destruction of America under the righteous wrath of a holy God.”
You can also get a detailed look into what we’re doing and why we’re doing it by reading Mocking The Prophets Of Baal: The Beauty And Power Of Christian Satire (And Why So Many People Hate It) over at FireBreathingChristian.com.