MOBILE, AL – In a revelation sure to even further damage the already devastated Common Core brand, hordes of routinely enraged parents who we all know are just going to keep feeding their kids to public schools no matter what are once again expressing “shock” and “horror” upon learning that this summer’s Common Core suggested reading list for children heading into the fifth grade includes the controversial title “To Serve Man”.
The book, while originally believed to be a treatise written by advanced, benevolent aliens exploring the subject of how to best assist and provide helpful services to mankind, was later discovered to actually be a cook book composed of recipes describing how to most deliciously prepare people for eventual consumption by the elite overlords herding them like cattle through systems designed to keep them happy and compliant.
“Which is basically what public school is all about, when you think about it,” noted famed public school defender Ima Lemming of The Lemming Institute, an organization that she founded in 1984 to help promote the calm, compliant, ‘do-as-you’re-told-by-the-system’ approach that has always been at the core of public school philosophy. “We need to just calm down and realize that this is just the way it is now. There’s no point in parents getting all worked up and wasting time being agitated when we all know that at the end of the day they’re just gonna keep right on shipping their kids off to the same old schools taking the same path to the same ultimate destination.”
“So why not just be a good little hors d’oeuvre and enjoy the ride?”
You can also get a detailed look into what we’re doing and why we’re doing it by reading Mocking The Prophets Of Baal: The Beauty And Power Of Christian Satire (And Why So Many People Hate It) over at FireBreathingChristian.com.