Local Church Accidentally Raises Flags In Proper Order; Decides To Keep Them...

Local Church Accidentally Raises Flags In Proper Order; Decides To Keep Them That Way

SHARE

FlagsInOrder

NIXA, MO – A local church caused quite a stir when earlier this week it accidentally raised its flags in the proper order, inspiring many in the community to contemplate for the very first time the significance of placing allegiance to Christ above allegiance to America.

Upon inadvertently raising the Christian flag above the United States flag on Monday morning, Pastor Charles Walker of Nixa Reformed Baptist Church claims to have been “immediately struck by the powerful symbolism of placing America under Christ’s authority, rather than doing it the other way around”.

“I’m a little embarrassed to admit it, but the truth is that when I did this the first time, I did it accidentally,” explained Pastor Walker following Wednesday night’s prayer and Bible study at the church. “I’d been raised my whole life to just assume the American State was the ultimate authority here in America, when, as a Christian, I’m supposed to be proclaiming that Christ is King over America and every other part of His creation.”

“That’s Gospel 101, folks.”

“If you don’t have Christ as King right here and now, you have no basis for proclaiming the Gospel command to repent of breaking the Law of God to avoid the wrath of God.”

While a small core of church members have been encouraged and inspired by Walker’s biblical stand, many within the church and throughout the community are disappointed, angry, and offended that their beloved America has been symbolically placed under the authority of Christ and is even being commanded to repent of its ongoing, active rebellion against Him.

“This is America, not some theocracy!” noted Damien Beelzebubba of the recently established Satanic Temple Assembly in nearby Tulsa. “There can be no religion placed above the American State here in America. ‘We the People’ define what is legal or not at any given moment here and now in the real world, not some fictitious Jesus sitting on some imaginary throne up in the sky”.

American Muslims also expressed concerns that if America actually obeyed and submitted to Christ as King, as Pastor Walker advocates, then they would obviously not be allowed to build their mosques and openly worship the false god Allah.

Local witches covens and various pagan worshipers also expressed anger over the idea of America actually repenting and submitting to Christ in real, tangible ways impacting its approach to law, education, and civil government.

“We simply cannot allow this thought to take root here in America,” explained local witch and coven leader Lilith Loveless. “If we let the concept that is so clearly expressed by flying a symbol of Christianity over and above the flag of America, all of the progress that we’ve made over the past 150+ years could be jeopardized. Mosques could then be in real danger of being shut down, along with witches covens, satanic temples, gay bars, strip clubs, and porn distributors, all in the name of some law coming from somewhere above ‘We the Peoploe’.”

Upon hearing of Witch Loveless’ concerns, Pastor Walker responded with a simple, “Yeah, that’s the idea.”

“If we actually believe the whole Gospel and we actually pursue the true Great Commission, every idol is going to be tested in the perfect light of Scripture and dealt with accordingly.”

“And yes, that even includes idols wrapped in red, white, and blue.”


Help Fuel Apocalyptic Satire

Like what you see at The End Times? Want to help us pay the bills and keep the Apocalyptic Satire going? If so, please consider dropping a few bucks in the tip jar.

Thanks!

You can also get a detailed look into what we’re doing and why we’re doing it by reading Mocking The Prophets Of Baal: The Beauty And Power Of Christian Satire (And Why So Many People Hate It) over at FireBreathingChristian.com.