NEW YORK, NY – In a show of strength confirming that he can indeed build walls to keep undesirables out, Donald Trump announced this morning the completion of a giant wall of evangelical leaders for the purpose of shielding himself from both Christian criticism and the Gospel itself.
Political pundits and experts immediately heralded the move as brilliant.
“This was a great move by Trump,” noted Fox News Channel’s Bill O’Reilly during a Fox special on the newly completed Great Wall Of Evangelicals. “What better way to help secure the evangelical vote while also insulating yourself from ever again having to deal with a serious presentation of the actual Gospel?”
“A protective shield of American evangelical leaders is the perfect answer, since we all know those people are far more interested in politics, power, and getting a Republican in the White House than they are serious about confronting The Donald with The Gospel.”
“I can’t think of a better defense against the Gospel than a sky-high pile of American evangelical leaders.”
“Brilliant move, Mr. Trump!”
Trump seemed overjoyed and relieved that The Great Wall Of Evangelicals was finally finished as he addressed a crowd of enthusiastic Republicans at a ribbon cutting ceremony and campaign fundraising event in front of New York’s Trump Tower, where The Wall forms a protective shield around the main entrance.
“They said it couldn’t be done, but here we are!” Trump boasted to the cheers of the assembled crowd of Christian-in-name-only political pawns. “They said that in order to claim Christianity, you had to listen to and agree with the Gospel command to repent and submit.”
“Well, I say that I have nothing to repent of, nobody to submit to, and that I never want to hear about this Gospel command to repent and submit again,” added a defiant, even more proud than usual Trump. “So I have constructed this wall of American Evangelical leaders to keep me safe from criticism and safe from that Gospel.”
“And the evangelicals are paying for it!” noted Trump in reference to a recent surge in campaign contributions from professing Christians across America.
“So thank you, my dear, dear evangelical leader friends,” Trump said while motioning to the impregnable slab of Gospel-thwarting evangelical leadership protecting the front door of Trump Tower.
“Without you, none of this would be possible.”
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