CLEVELAND, OH – To the crushing disappointment of many who actually believed Ted Cruz to be someone who “would never endorse someone like Donald Trump for President,” Ted Cruz has been confirmed as a keynote speaker in a prime time slot at the GOP Trump convention in Cleveland later this month.
Republican National Committee Chairman Reince Priebus excitedly made the soul-crushing announcement earlier today.
“I cannot yet confirm that Senator Cruz will actually be endorsing Mr. Trump,” explained Priebus while winking and nodding in an exaggerated fashion while trying to maintain composure and keep from laughing. “But it’s important to note that we don’t really tend to give out prime time convention slots to folks who are going to do anything but that sort of thing.”
“So you do the math.”
You can also get a detailed look into what we’re doing and why we’re doing it by reading Mocking The Prophets Of Baal: The Beauty And Power Of Christian Satire (And Why So Many People Hate It) over at FireBreathingChristian.com.