CLEVELAND, OH – With Donald Trump having clinched the Republican Party nomination over evangelical fave Ted Cruz, millions of thoroughly discouraged and confused American Christians are counting on the rapture to come sometime between now and the evening of Thursday, July 22, when The Donald will formally accept the party nomination at his keynote address to the GOP convention in Cleveland.
“Surely the Lord will not leave His people here if someone as obviously godless as Trump actually wins the Republican nomination,” noted long time Republican evangelical activist Susan Lemming, 68, of Cincinnati. “I can’t imagine how or why Christians would be left here on earth in such a scenario. I mean, a biblically illiterate, unrepentant strip club and casino promoter who routinely brags about his history of adultery and regularly trades up wives? As the Republican nominee? Really? ”
“Of course, if for some reason the rapture doesn’t come and I’m still here, I’ll have to vote for him.”
“I mean, we can’t let Hillary win, right?”
You can also get a detailed look into what we’re doing and why we’re doing it by reading Mocking The Prophets Of Baal: The Beauty And Power Of Christian Satire (And Why So Many People Hate It) over at FireBreathingChristian.com.