TOKYO, JAPAN – In an effort to solidify their positions atop the rapidly emerging robotics industry, representatives from several of Japan’s top technology-related corporations gathered today in Tokyo to unveil a wide range of robots that they hope will soon play a variety of significant roles in leading the human race into an age of bondage and dependence upon the corporations in question.
“We are very proud of what we’ve already accomplished, but there’s still a long way to go,” noted Hitachi President Hiroaki Nakanishi during a presentation in which everything from autonomous robotic insects to self-driving, self-aiming, and self-shooting “civilian pacification vehicles” were briefly shown off on stage while theme music from The Terminator played softly in the background. “At this point, our robot mosquitos are only twice as intelligent as the typical American voter, which is of course unacceptable, but we estimate that within the next 2-3 years we should increase their level of cognitive ability to that of an average Yorkshire Terrier.”
“So we’re getting there,” added Sony CEO Kazuo Hirai.
“Our robotic bugs are getting brighter by the day, even as American voters prepare to mindlessly limp into voting booths to select either Donald Trump or Hillary Clinton to lead them.”
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