PHILADELPHIA, PA – Hillary Clinton has come to “wish that email had never been invented” and is planning “severe retaliation against those who have leaked incriminating information or criticized her approach to digital communication”, according to several highly placed sources in the Clinton campaign who spoke with The End Times on condition of anonymity so that they “don ‘t get Vince Fostered”.
With last weekend’s WikiLeaks posting of thousands of internal Democrat National Committee (DNC) emails confirming media and Party collusion in undermining the Bernie Sanders campaign, and with this latest wave of incriminating digital records coming on the heels of ongoing controversy regarding Mrs. Clinton’s use of a private server to store and convey classified information during her tenure as Secretary of State, the presumptive Democrat nominee is reported to be “furious” and “enraged” over the invention of email and its subsequent damage to her political aspirations.
“In light of the damage it’s done to her presidential aspirations, Hillary has all but declared total war on the very concept of digital communication,” explained one highly placed DNC representative. “What else is she going to do? Take personal responsibility for what these emails bring to light?”
“Not. Gonna. Happen.”
“Clearly, the path most comfortable to Mrs. Clinton is that which leads to crushing reprisals aimed at those who would dare shine the light of day on her activities or on the activities of her people atop the DNC,” added the well placed DNC source. “To that end, we can expect Hillary to have some fairly heavy executive orders ready to roll on Day 1 of her presidency, should she win in November.”
While details of rumored executive orders being prepared by Clinton remain cloudy, multiple sources confirm “lengthy prison terms” and “even death penalties” for those who “leak and/or critique anything Hillary records or has ever recorded in digital form”.
You can also get a detailed look into what we’re doing and why we’re doing it by reading Mocking The Prophets Of Baal: The Beauty And Power Of Christian Satire (And Why So Many People Hate It) over at FireBreathingChristian