WACO, TX – American conservatives are fighting like never before to protect their favorite socialist programs from being “looted by illegal immigrants”.
“Our precious public schools, Social Security, Medicare, Medicaid, food stamps, and unemployment benefits simply cannot be allowed to be unfairly looted by people who are not here legally,” explained local businessman and self-identified conservative political activist Bob Mooch, father of two young public school students and proud advocate of literally dozens of overtly Marxist systems of wealth redistribution that have been wrapped in the American flag and successfully pitched to self-identified conservatives for generations now. “The only ones that should be allowed to do any looting through these programs are those of us who are here legally! We and we alone are the ones who are entitled to the fruits of our neighbors’ labor and to the value of their hard earned property!”
“We just can’t let the illegals trot on in here and loot what we’ve looted from others fair and square through the power of the State! We must stand now to protect what we’ve taken and happily continue to take from others!”
“How else will our explicitly Marxist/satanic State-run public schools survive?”
“How else will our overtly Socialist State-run systems like Social Security, Medicare, and Medicaid make it?”
“We have to take a firm stand right now to protect the many systems of American State-managed looting that we’ve come to cherish and depend upon!”
While Mr. Mooch’s perspective is prevalent among modern American conservatives, a growing number of biblically literate Christians are beginning to speak out and challenge the obvious culture-wrecking stupidity of the “protect American Socialism from illegal immigrants” movement.
“Maybe if we weren’t a completely socialist culture loaded with self-identified conservatives who are dependent on the American government for everything from their children’s education to their retirement, we would be able to ditch these programs and finally become free, mature, self-reliant adults again,” noted biblically literate Jane Freeman, 17, a recent home education graduate and advocate for actual freedom, liberty, responsibility, and maturity as defined in the Bible. “And maybe then we wouldn’t be a magnet for other people looking to join in on the looting that American conservatives have been enabling through systems like public schools and Social Security for so long now.”
“If these systems of State-run looting simply didn’t exist, we wouldn’t be a magnet attracting people who are looking to loot others through the power of the American State,” Freeman explained. “If we didn’t have things like public schools, Social Security, food stamps, Medicare and Medicaid, I’ll bet a whole lot of so-called conservatives would join in a mass migration out of America and into some other country that offered the Socialism they’re accustomed to.”
“Wouldn’t that be nice?”
You can also get a detailed look into what we’re doing and why we’re doing it by reading Mocking The Prophets Of Baal: The Beauty And Power Of Christian Satire (And Why So Many People Hate It) over at FireBreathingChristian.com.