BRASILIA, BRAZIL – Brazil’s former President Dilma Rousseff, who was recently impeached and removed from office by the Brazilian Senate, has been ordered to “swim 20 laps in Rio’s most disgustingly discolored Olympic swimming pool” as a part of her punishment for “betraying the people of Brazil” by using illegal bookkeeping maneuvers to conceal the nation’s growing budget crisis.
“If green is the color of money, then the deep, fungal green of Rio’s now legendarily unpleasant Olympic swimming pool is the perfect place for Rousseff,” noted one Brazilian commentator upon news of the disgraced former President’s sentence. “I only wish we were televising her laps.”
“They would surely get much higher ratings than the Olympics,” another commentator added. “And if we went the pay-per-view route, we might finally get something useful out of the Rousseff Administration.”
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