New York, NY – Linda McMahon, the wrestling magnate chosen by President-elect Trump to head the U.S. Small Business Administration (SBA), is in the process of mapping out a strategy centering on the use of “massive amounts of steroids” to help make American small business “get as yuge as it wants to be” in “practically no time at all”.
McMahon, who’s Word Wrestling Entertainment empire has played a significant role in leading the culture to hell on the bulging backs of ‘roided up wrestlers, had spent somewhere around 200 million dollars in two attempts to win a Senate seat and is said to be “really relieved” to finally be taking a seat of power in Washington DC.
“Obviously, Linda McMahon understands how to make America great again,” explained a high level Trump adviser on condition of anonymity. “If there’s one thing we know for sure, it’s that making money – tons of glorious money – is the ultimate measure of success in America, and few understand this as well as Linda McMahon.”
“She knows full well that things like morality, ethics, decency, and the values that build and preserve deep culture can’t be allowed to get in the way of our drugged-up, sexed-up pursuit of money, power and hedonistic joy.”
“We’re counting on her to bring that attitude to the SBA, so that small businesses across our great nation can better learn how to more thoroughly and aggressively pursue short term fake success regardless of any future cost.”
You can also get a detailed look into what we’re doing and why we’re doing it by reading Mocking The Prophets Of Baal: The Beauty And Power Of Christian Satire (And Why So Many People Hate It) over at FireBreathingChristian.com.