WASHINGTON, DC – In a desperate, last ditch effort to cross the twenty trillion dollar debt mark before leaving office on January 20, President Obama has ordered administration officials and department heads to embark upon a no-holds-barred, anything goes Amazon.com shopping spree.
“We’re sooooo close!” exclaimed one high ranking administration official on condition of anonymity. “It’d be a real tragedy to get within striking distance of that awesome $20 trillion figure only to fall short at the end. The thought of Trump crossing that threshold instead of us just makes me sick inside.”
In order to make a surge toward the twenty-trillion-dollar mark, government officials and department heads have been encouraged to “get anything that they deem necessary, moderately useful, or even just frivolously desirable”.
In order to help public servants spend at a more fast and furious pace, Amazon.com will be set as the default page for all government owned computers between now and January 20. For it’s part, Amazon has announced the deployment of an army of new delivery drones to be focused exclusively on the task of processing millions of new government orders anticipated over the next week or two.
“If Amazon sells it, we’re gonna buy it,” explained one DC-based department head while surfing the online retailer’s site and using its convenient One Click ordering option at a rate of nearly 12 orders per minute.
“Just think of the boost we’re giving to the economy right now!”
You can also get a detailed look into what we’re doing and why we’re doing it by reading Mocking The Prophets Of Baal: The Beauty And Power Of Christian Satire (And Why So Many People Hate It) over at FireBreathingChristian.com.