WASHINGTON, DC – Former Texas Governor and spectacular flameout candidate for President Rick Perry is expressing “deep, serious regret” about having ever called for the abolition of the Department of Energy, which he now hopes to head.
During testimony before the Senate Committee on Energy and Natural Resources, President-elect Donald Trump’s nominee to run the Energy Department made it plain that he not only regrets calling for the Department’s elimination, but that he is also warming up to the idea of global warming, climate change, or whatever it is that they’re calling it these days.
“Look, Rick made a mistake, but things are different now,” explained a top Perry confidant on condition of anonymity in order to avoid any unnecessary public association with the stunning lack of coherence that has come to define the former Texas Governor. “Back when he called for the abolition of the Department of Energy, he wasn’t about to become the head of the Department of Energy, so, duh, of course he doesn’t want to abolish it anymore.”
“What kind of moron would blow up the very bastion of bloated government bureaucracy and control that is about to give him a cushy gig with a monster salary?” continued the well placed Perry supporter. “No sir, Rick Perry is way beyond that kind of thing.”
“And that’s just the sort of brilliant, principled leadership that President-elect Trump is tapping to help make America great again.”
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