CARACAS, VENEZUELA – President Nicolas Maduro is heralding the mass starvation sweeping his nation as “proof positive of the glories of Communism” and a “great example of State-managed weight loss”.
With the Venezuelan economy collapsing under the weight of state-imposed regulations and controls, leaving most citizens hungry and inn desperate need of even the most basic essentials of life, a spokesman for the nation’s President is reiterating that the state of Venezuela is “strong” and tnhat its people are “as committed as ever to the glorious revolution” that swept radical Leftist/Socialists to power in the ’90s.
“With America ravaged by obesity and the typical American getting fatter by the second, we view the current mass weight-loss successes in Venezuela as yet another shining example of how our glorious revolution has saved our people from the evils of capitalism and easy access to French fries,” explained Jim Jones III, Venezuela’s Minister of TruthSpeak. “When we all look back on this chapter of history, we will cheer the brave, twiggy, famished and confused Venezuelan masses for the way they overcame the evils of our big, fat American oppressors.”
“Viva la revolución!”
When asked to comment on the lavish lifestyle and clearly overweight nature of President Maduro even as the people of Venezuela struggle to find access to ramen noodles and toilet paper, Minister Jones just sort of sat there pretending to have not heard the question.
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