NEW YORK, NY – The National Football League has confirmed that the long standing tradition of having an accomplished musician sing the national anthem before kickoff will be replaced by two minutes of silence during which a famous recording artist will just sort of sit there and do nothing.
“With all that’s happening right now where the national anthem is concerned, this seems like the right thing to do,” explained Dr. Cecil Mindrot, the NFL’s Director of Cultural Deprogramming. “What better way to appeal to the global community and expand the power of the National Football League than by openly dissing the nation that gave birth to it in the first place?”
When asked if there was already a list of likely candidates to perform the silent protest in place of the national anthem, Dr. Mindrot noted that “It doesn’t really matter, does it? They’re just going to sit there quietly and try to look disgusted.”
“Which works out well since they can’t really sing anyway.”
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