NEW YORK, NY – The NFL has announced plans to replace any players who refuse to stand and sing the national anthem with robots who will wave the U.S. flag and sing patriotic songs on command.
The robots, dubbed “RoboPatriots” by the Chinese company that produces them, could see deployment as early as mid-November in select NFL markets.
“We couldn’t be more pleased with the NFL’s desire to make things right and get with the government program,” gushed Director Georgina Orwell of the U.S. Ministry of Truth and Patriotism. “What better way to encourage people to have a thoughtless, automatic, reflexive sort of love and respect for the flag than by enforcing it with the threat of replacement by a literal robot?”
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