VATICAN CITY – To the shock and horror of hundreds of millions of Catholics who are desperately struggling to prop up the very concept of a Pope in light of the increasingly bizarre, unbiblical, and downright satanic views now routinely gurgling out of Pope Francis’ mouth, Pope Francis has apparently declared that there is no hell and that John Lennon’s Imagine should be added to the book of Psalms.
“So yeah, well, um, I mean, didn’t we all see this coming from a mile away?” asked a Vatican spokesman rhetorically on condition of anonymity. “The Holy Father has come out for global warming, socialism, Communism, and all manner of flagrantly leftist, anti-Christian concepts for years now. What made anyone think that redefining heaven and hell was somehow off the table?”
“It only seems natural in this context that Lennon’s Imagine would be given the place of honor that it so clearly deserves, don’t you think?”
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