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Racist Aspirin Makers Force Customers To Pick Cotton Out Of Medicine Bottles, Report Claims

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LEVERKUSEN, GERMANY – Bayer, one of the world’s largest producers of medicines often packaged with little cotton stoppers in their bottles, has joined with other “obviously racist” organizations in announcing that it will no longer “force customers to pick cotton” in order to access their product, according to a report issued today by Triggered Social Justice Nazis of America, a self-described Progressive organization committed to “bringing down any system or hierarchy that impedes progress by exposing it as inherently racist”.

Numerous members of Triggered Social Justice Nazis of America claim to have been “profoundly traumatized” by “being forced to pick cotton out of a bottle”, according to the report.

“Everyone knows that ‘picking cotton’ is an inherently racist and demeaning concept,” explained Dole McJermond of Amerikan Visionaries for Social Justice, a sister/brother/whatever group supporting Triggered Social Justice Nazis of America. “It’s high time we called out the insensitivity of Bayer and others who like to pretend that ‘picking cotton’ is anything but an inherently racist construct used by The Man to mock and oppress minorities.”

Various self-described social justice groups are calling for a mass burning of medicine bottle cotton balls in protest.

“We will not rest until this flagrant attack on the dignity of minorities is sufficiently addressed,” explained Triggered Social Justice Nazis of America via its Facebook page. “There must be full reparation made to each and every victim of a system that has literally spent decades forcing people to pick cotton in order to get to their much needed medicine.”

“True justice demands that we be liberated from the constant harassment and existential threat of little cotton balls in medicine bottles!”

#CottonPickinCrazy


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