LITTLE ROCK, AR – With Senate Democrats today focusing rigorously on whether or not Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh drank beer or acted inappropriately during his high school years, Bill Clinton has decided to launch a massive campaign to “erase all record of his High School, Junior High, Middle School, and Elementary School social life and related activities”, according to reports from highly placed staffers at the Clinton Foundation.
“Yeah, as Bill watched today’s questioning of Kavanaugh on things like what was written in [Kavanaugh’s] high school yearbook, he knew that he needed to get into gear and take care of a few, or a few dozen, things right away,” explained a Clinton Foundation executive on condition of anonymity. “If Senate Democrats all of the sudden care about stuff like whether a high-schooler drank beer or wrote something goofy in a yearbook, then Bill obviously needs to take note and act accordingly.”
The Clinton plan reportedly includes explicit directives to destroy all yearbooks or greeting cards that were exchanged during holiday parties, including but not limited to, Christmas, Halloween, Valentine’s Day, and birthday celebrations involving Clinton from the age of 4 to the present.
“You can’t be too careful,” another Clinton insider noted. “On the plus side, since Bill’s a Democrat, even the most egregious of elementary school Valentine’s Day card content probably wouldn’t matter anyway.”
“But still, better safe than sorry.”
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