Hillary’s Secret List of LGBTQ Supreme Court Nominees Leaked by Frightened Heterosexual Staffer

WASHINGTON, DC – In the wake of Donald Trump releasing his list of prospects to fill the current vacancy on the Supreme Court, Hillary Clinton’s secret list of exclusively LGBTQ candidates to fill the same spot has been leaked by a jealous and increasingly isolated heterosexual staffer.

“Hillary is as committed to supporting the LGBTQ lifestyle as anyone, so this list isn’t surprising in some ways,” noted the document-leaking staffer on condition of anonymity, lest they be ‘Vince Fostered’ anytime soon. “But do they all have to be gay? Or lesbian? Or transgender?”

“Really?!”

It was the uniformly LGBTQ composition of the list that inspired the staffer to speak out and try to stop, or at least moderate, what they saw as an increasingly and potentially dangerously gay situation.

“In Hillary’s LGBTQ-only list of Supreme Court candidates we see clearly that the progress, diversity and tolerance that she’s advocating is increasingly less diverse and less tolerant in practice,” added the concerned heterosexual staffer. “It’s no longer enough to just be supportive of the LGBTQ thing. You pretty much have to be gay, lesbian, transgender or whatever yourself in order to even be considered for an appointment to the Supreme Court or any other high level position. Her world seems to get more gay by the second. It’s pretty creepy.”

“Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that Rosie O’Donnell or Ellen DeGeneres are unqualified to sit on the Supreme Court. As a life-long committed Progressive Democrat, I’d never say anything like that.”

“But do we really have to have exclusively LGBTQ people ruling over us?”

“That seems a little excessive.”

“And a little intolerant.”

“And not exactly diverse.”