Local Church Can’t Figure Out Why Imploding American Culture Won’t “Give Jesus A Try”

HUNTINGTON, WV – Both leadership and membership of a local Church of Christ are flabbergasted that, despite numerous clearly articulated invitations made to the general public via newspaper ad, church marquee, and hired professional skywriters, most individuals comprising their local part of American culture absolutely refuse to “give Jesus a try”.

“I just don’t know what else to do,” moaned a distraught Pastor Bob Walker during post-sermon discussion time with his congregation on Sunday. “I have no idea how else we might entice people to give Jesus a try.”

“We do pizza socials. We do meet and greets. We have Super Bowl parties, NBA draft parties, Monopoly board game parties, bowling parties, Pictionary parties and roller skating parties.”

“But nothing seems to work.”

“It’s as though no matter how much cheese and pepperoni we pile on, they just don’t want to give Jesus a try.”

“What with all the gay marriage and transgender bathroom and other apocalyptic stuff happening these days, you’d think adding a nice chicken wing or slice of pie to help make giving Jesus a try that much easier would make Him practically irresistible.”

“But, weirdly enough, it doesn’t.”

“It turns out our pizza and Jesus are both totally resistible.”