Jabba the Hutt Announces Anti-Fat-Shaming Campaign

A LONG TIME AGO IN A GALAXY FAR, FAR AWAY – Legendary crime lord Jabba the Hutt has announced a new ad campaign aimed at confronting body shamers.

“We cannot allow people to publicly claim that morbid obesity is anything but beautiful, healthy, and good,” explained the famous gangster through a translator while guzzling a bucket of KFC. “The thought that giant, bloated, flab-coated bodies are anything but glorious expressions of individuality and awesomeness is a thought that must be stomped out of the collective consciousness like a toddler under Michael Moore’s feet.”

The ad campaign is set to begin running next month, with heavy emphasis on subjective claims of personal happiness over objective, measurable standards of beauty and health.