DC Nervously Reminds Americans Not To Even Think About Life Without DC

WASHINGTON, DC – With the “Brexit” vote coming later this month, in which Britain may choose to exit the European Union and free itself from the massive accumulation of political power that’s been consolidated in the hands of power-mad paganized elites in Brussels, power-mad paganized elites in Washington DC are nervously trying to convince Americans “not to even think about” life without Washington DC ruling over them.

“We can’t even allow ourselves to think about such a ridiculous thing as separating from Washington DC,” noted presumptive Republican nominee Donald Trump. “Whatever our differences may be, we have to suck it up and submit to the supreme authority of the American State above us. It’s for our own good. Massive, centralized power in Washington DC is the only path to peace, prosperity, safety, and security.”

In a rare demonstration of complete agreement between purported political opponents, The Donald’s assessment was literally echoed by Hillary Clinton, who noted that, “We can’t even allow ourselves to think about such a ridiculous thing as separating from Washington DC. Whatever our differences may be, we have to suck it up and submit to the supreme authority of the American State above us. It’s for our own good. Massive, centralized power in Washington DC is the only path to peace, prosperity, safety, and security.”

Past and present Presidents from both major political parties chimed in as well, with sitting President Barack Obama explaining that, “We can’t even allow ourselves to think about such a ridiculous thing as separating from Washington DC. Whatever our differences may be, we have to suck it up and submit to the supreme authority of the American State above us. It’s for our own good. Massive, centralized power in Washington DC is the only path to peace, prosperity, safety, and security.”

President Obama’s predecessor, Republican George W. Bush, also creepily proclaimed that, “We can’t even allow ourselves to think about such a ridiculous thing as separating from Washington DC. Whatever our differences may be, we have to suck it up and submit to the supreme authority of the American State above us. It’s for our own good. Massive, centralized power in Washington DC is the only path to peace, prosperity, safety, and security.”

In a final push to discourage Americans from even thinking about thinking about thinking about a life liberated completely from DC rule, past, present, and wannabe Presidents from both parties have agreed to appear jointly in a lavishly produced, taxpayer funded propaganda film explaining how America as we know it now is indispensable and that anyone thinking otherwise is “silly”, “stupid”, “unpatriotic”, and “a threat”.