Pope Saints Lenin, Marx, and Che Guevara

VATICAN CITY – In an effort to help offset America’s pulling out of the Paris Climate Accord and get people refocused on what he calls “good examples of those who fight for human progress”, Pope Francis has officially sainted Vladimir Lenin, Karl Marx, and Che Guevara.

“Now more than ever, with so many striving to pull away from the sweet, progressive embrace of Marxism, Communism, and Socialism, we need to appreciate and celebrate the great men who’ve come before us in the fight for global unity,” explained Vatican Director of Propaganda Josef Isuzu. “We must lift high these men and carry forward the banner they advanced during their time.”

“One day, if we keep the faith, we will realize a world bound in enforced unity under the absolute, loving control of the almighty State.”