Trump Appoints Romney as Secretary to the Secretary of State

NEW YORK, NY – In a Machiavellian move inspiring shock, awe, and laughter throughout the political world, President-elect Trump has appointed former rival and fierce critic Mitt Romney to serve as secretary to whomever is eventually selected to serve as Secretary of State.

“After confirming that Mitt can answer a phone and take reasonably coherent notes, we just knew he was the perfect man for this job,” noted a member of Trump’s transition team on condition of anonymity while struggling to suppress glee-fueled giggling. “We are confident that Mr. Romney will serve his country with great honor and professionalism as he takes out the trash and fetches coffee for whoever actually ends up becoming Secretary of State.”