COSTA MESA, CA – In what sure feels like another one of those time travel Star Trek episodes where heroes from the future find themselves transported into history and have to save humanity from some sort of existential threat, Mr. Spock has beamed into TBN’s headquarters and strongly urged that he be allowed to mind meld with Benny Hinn “just to find out what’s going on in there.”
“Obviously, Mr. Hinn has some very serious issues,” noted the long serving, legendary First Officer of the starship Enterprise. “And, just as obviously, he is causing great harm to those around him and catastrophic damage to the cause he claims to support. But with so much bizarre behavior covering such a vast range of subject matter over such a long period of time, it’s practically impossible to even know where to begin in properly analyzing, much less successfully treating, Mr. Hinn’s vast array of profound psychological and pathological issues.”
“This makes an exploratory mind meld the perfectly logical, and likely necessary, first step in a process of productively dealing with the planet-sized mountain of theological and philosophical quackery that is Benny Hinn.”
Spock’s suggestion of a sort of reconnaissance mind meld with the notorious living caricature of a televangelist was accompanied by decidedly un-Vulcan-like emotional appeals as the half-human Science Officer nearly wept while pleading to be allowed to help.
“He just cant be allowed to go on as he has for so many long and terrible TBN-broadcast years,” pled a clearly shaken and distraught Spock. “There have already been far too many laughably false prophecies, far too many idiotic theological contortions, and far too many phony miracle healings. It has to stop!
“Right now!”
“So please, I beg you, don’t let humanity unnecessarily suffer this way for another day. Let me do this one thing to help begin the process of putting this terrible chapter behind you, while there is yet time.”
“Please let me mind meld with Benny Hinn just to find out what’s going on in there.”
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