WASHINGTON DC – After months of negotiations following Hunter Biden’s father’s inauguration, high ranking Republicans and Democrats have agreed on terms to make Washington, D.C. the 51st state on the union as long as Epstein Island is simultaneously made the 52nd state.
The final strategy to secure DC statehood was simple: Find a relatively warm, good, and happy place to offset the cold, dark, malevolent vibe of Washington, D.C., and add that territory as a U.S. state at the same time to balance the perceived darkness of D.C.
It didn’t take long for leadership on both sides of the aisle to settle on the perfect partner to escort D.C. to statehood: Epstein Island.
“For a while there, it didn’t look like we were going to get the D.C. statehood deal done,” explained one highly placed congressional staffer on condition of anonymity. “But once we settled on including Epstein Island as part of a package deal, we knew we’d have more than enough votes to make it happen.”
Do you enjoy The End Times? If so, please consider dropping a few bucks in the tip jar.