LONDON, ENGLAND – Prime Minister Boris Johnson announced plans to mark England’s formal surrender to complete technocratic fascism with a nationwide celebration called “Freedom Day”.
“Today we celebrate our freedom to conform to the will of the almighty state and its benevolent corporate sponsors,” Johnson announced to a sparse crowd of triple-masked government employees who clapped in unison on cue. “What an honor it is to have the opportunity to sacrifice our freedom, privacy, and even our ability to walk around in public without wearing a mask so that we can be kept safe and secure, snuggled in the loving and completely controlling arms of the politicians and experts who know what’s best for us.”
While state-sanctioned journalists were allowed to ask pre-approved questions during a brief staged Q&A session following Johnson’s speech, it was Johnson himself who preemptively addressed one of the most common questions about Freedom Day.
“I know that right now there are many who are wondering why we’re celebrating Freedom Day at the very same time we’re rolling out another lockdown and pressuring people into injecting themselves with a rushed experimental gene therapy by using their own phones to track and herd them into complete conformity with the will of the state,” Johnson mused gleefully, tilting his head and allowing a smile to grow before pausing for dramatic effect. “But that’s kind of the point, actually. The idea here is to get you all to understand that this is what freedom means now in the United Kingdom.”
“So be sure to get your jabs when we tell you to, put on your masks when we tell you to, stay in your homes until we let you out, and enjoy your freedom!”
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