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Man Hopes Rapture Will Happen Before He Has To Mow The Lawn Again

PLANO, TEXAS – Much to the chagrin of increasingly frustrated neighbors, local professing Christian Brian McApathy is refusing to mow his lawn, citing “Jesus’ imminent return” as the reason he “won’t waste time on stupid earthly things like mowing the lawn”.

“Look, if the culture’s destined to go to hell anyway like my pastor says, then who cares what my lawn looks like on the way, right?” McApathy explained with an incredulous look while shrugging his shoulders. “Truly spiritual people understand that trying to save or improve things like education, economics, business, art, literature, film, or my yard by working hard to apply biblical truth to those areas here and now is just plain stupid and wasteful because it’s all just going down the drain anyway and Jesus is about to swoosh us all up into the sky at any second.”

“So why should I waste time mowing my lawn? Seriously. I’ve got better stuff to do.”

When asked how else he ‘s putting this life philosophy into practice, McApathy cited “pretty much every earthly area of life”.

“If it involves anything remotely resembling hard work here and now trying to improve life, culture, or my yard in accordance with biblical principles, you can count me out,” McApathy continued. “I know it’s all a waste of time.”

“The Jesus preached at my church set me free from all that earthly, non-spiritual stuff.”

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