ATLANTA, GA – Centers for Disease Control (CDC) Director Rochelle Walensky has officially decreed that New Hampshire must change its state motto. During a press conference scheduled to celebrate the installation of her new throne room at CDC headquarters, Walensky sat solemnly with a scepter in one hand and a magic 8-ball in the other as she declared the “Live Free or Die” concept to be “waaaaaayyyy too dangerous to be tolerated”.
“Obviously we can’t have these sorts of ideas out there polluting the minds of people and leading them to believe things that often put public health at risk,” Walensky noted soberly while slowly waving her scepter back and forth in a hypnotic manner. “But I will allow New Hampshire to alter the motto if they don’t want to ditch it altogether.”
“If they want to keep it, they must change it to ‘Live Free AND Die’,” she added with a smirk and a cackle. “Because that’s how we should be teaching people to view freedom in 2021 Amerika.”
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