TORRANCE, CA – In what many view as the long overdue acknowledgment of a promotional discount program gone terribly wrong, Toyota Motor Corporation has finally apologized to the world for its 10% ISIS membership discount campaign. The world’s largest auto manufacturer also announced the immediate termination of the long-running program that had become wildly popular with radical Islamic terror types all over the world and had earned Toyota a whopping 74% market share in the coveted 19-to-34-year-old Middle Eastern Warlord demographic.
The long-running extension of Toyota’s government worker discount program, which generously allowed card carrying members of ISIS, ISIL, The Islamic State, al-Qaeda or any related US-taxpayer funded and/or CIA-backed group to receive a 10% discount on Toyota products, “wasn’t the brightest idea we’ve ever had,” admitted Toyota President and CEO Akio Toyoda somberly during a press conference at the company’s North American operations headquarters. “There are no excuses for what we’ve done and I accept full responsibility.”
President Toyoda also announced that he will be traveling back to Japan next week, where he will commit seppuku at a formal ceremony immediately preceding a special sneak preview event focusing on a much anticipated new line of Lexus rocket-launching luxury SUVs.
When asked if the cancellation of ISIS membership discounts on Toyota products also covered the Lexus brand, company officials refused comment while pretending to not hear the question.
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