NEW YORK, NY – In a move sure to shock absolutely nobody with even the slightest of clues, Trey Pearson, lead singer for the “Christian rock band” Everyday Sunday has come out as totally gay.
“Oh yeah, there’s a stunner,” mused Amy Callahan, 18, of Peoria in response to Pearson’s ‘coming out’ post on Facebook. “Nobody saw that coming! LOL!”
To the additional shock of no one, the utterly unsurprising coming out of a “Christian rock star” like Pearson was instantaneously seized upon by a cultishly pro-gay press, with mainstream media pouncing on the story like a bum on a bologna sandwich, eager to treat it as though it constituted ‘breaking news’ of a real sort to any thinking person anywhere.
“What an event!” raved New York Times guest columnist RuPaul in a special Facebook-featured editorial aimed at making a big deal out of something that anyone with half a brain already knew to be very, very likely for a very, very long time. “This is just the sort of jolting revelation that can really help the LGBTQ rights movement break through with Christians who’ve been resistant to the notion of crossdressing, homosexual, and transgender lifestyles being totally cool and good. Thank you for your bravery and courage, Trey Pearson!”
“If Trey Pearson can come out as gay, anyone can!”
To which Amy Callahan also responded:
“LOL!”
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