COSTA MESA, CA – Trinity Broadcasting Network, the infamous promotional platform for such legendary hucksters and heretics as Benny Hinn, Creflo Dollar, and Paula White, has announced the hiring of Dr. Evil as its new Staff Physician and Coordinator of Global Domination, a hybrid office that will cover standard medical duties while also incorporating supervision of TBN’s overall plan for global “outreach”.
The fit is as natural as anything involving TBN or Dr. Evil could be, with Evil having been unemployed for decades and TBN being possibly the only organization comfortable even considering Dr. Evil’s annual salary demand of “one hundred million dollars”, which will be financed through as many Benny Hinn hosted miracle telethons as is necessary.
“I am pleased to have found a gathering of visionaries worthy of my leadership,” announced a giddy Dr. Evil globally via television satellite signal intercept from his underground lair. “Never before have I had the opportunity to work with such an exquisite collection of determined, deceptive, self-serving, profiteering villainy.”
“It’s simply breathtaking,” added Evil as he wiped away a tear and composed himself. “The potential for evil here really is quite unparalleled. And who would know that better than me, right?”
“Whether we go big and do something dramatic like build our own Death Star, or whether we stay with the tried and true path of consistently ripping off masses of desperate, confused people via Creflo Dollar programs and Peter Popoff infomercials, our ultimate domination of humanity is assured.”
“So thank you, TBN. Thank you for being you.”
“And thank you for hiring me.”
“Together we will make the world a better, more efficiently fleeced place.”
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