Home Politics 2016 Presidential Campaign Ted Cruz Won’t Stop Appointing Imaginary Cabinet Members

Ted Cruz Won’t Stop Appointing Imaginary Cabinet Members


INDIANAPOLIS, IN – In the aftermath of Donald Trump’s stunning five state electoral sweep on Tuesday, which saw Mr. Trump win every contest in blowout fashion and put him in a dominant position to secure the GOP nomination, Ted Cruz’s downward political spiral descended into madness as he began rambling on about who was going to fill positions in his imaginary Presidential Cabinet.

“It’s bad. Really bad,” admitted a highly placed Cruz campaign official on condition of anonymity. “Things have been off for months with Ted, but the pummeling he took in New York seems to have sent him over the edge. He just can’t seem to stop pretending to be on the verge of winning the presidency. It’s as though somewhere along the way he cracked and tumbled over the edge into some sort of warped fantasy land in which the more states he loses in dramatic fashion to Trump, the closer he is to being sworn in as President.”

“It’s really, really sad.”

The Texas Senator ramped up his painful public implosion in Indianapolis on Wednesday by announcing Carly Fiorina as Vice President and The Rock as Secretary of Defense.

“And I’d also like to let America know that I’ve chosen that guy with the cool sound effects on CNBC as our new Secretary of the Treasury, and Spock from the new Star Trek movies as our Secretary of Education,” announced Cruz at another Indiana campaign event later in the day just before aids nudged him away from the podium and into a straightjacket. “Oh, and Judge Judy to replace Antonin Scalia!”

Cruz’s nemesis seemed all too happy to bask in the increasingly unhinged glow of his once credible challenger for the Republican nomination.

“Maybe somebody should explain to Ted that you actually have to win in order to really nominate anybody for anything,” noted Trump at a campaign rally near Louisville on Wednesday night. “But I have to admit, the Judge Judy idea is a keeper.”

“She’s great on TV!”

Help Fuel Apocalyptic Satire

Like what you see at The End Times? Want to help us pay the bills and keep the Apocalyptic Satire going? If so, please consider dropping a few bucks in the tip jar.


You can also get a detailed look into what we’re doing and why we’re doing it by reading Mocking The Prophets Of Baal: The Beauty And Power Of Christian Satire (And Why So Many People Hate It) over at FireBreathingChristian.com.