IRVINE, CA – Power-mad global financial vampires and creepy, goblin-like technocratic oligarchs from across the globe gathered at the headquarters of Blizzard Entertainment over the weekend to witness the latest test of a videogame-based digital currency that could well herald the complete economic bondage of all of humanity.
The currency in question – a new type of World of Warcraft gold – is seen by the powers that be as the ultimate solution to all that ails the current economic system.
“It’s the new gold standard we’ve all been waiting for,” said Montgomery Burns, one of the lich-like financial lords attending the Blizzard event. “Or, more precisely, a digital gold standard comprised of artificial wealth that we atop the Illuminati finance pyramid literally type into existence effortlessly out of thin air so that we can then use it to effectively own and control everyone and everything beneath us in what amounts to a global video game that we operate and everyone else lives in.”
“How awesome does that sound?”
Before an answer could be offered up by any of the non-vampire/financial overlords in attendance, Burns continued:
“Right now, through things like paper dollars, we have achieved near-complete control over all of the little, lesser creatures working, building, and slaving away for the paper money that we just whip up out of nothing whenever we like,” added an increasingly giddy Burns while strumming his fingers and staring ahead in an intensely focused, demonic gaze. “But if we can get people to take this one last step from the Monopoly Money dollars we’ve already given them and into a completely digital World of Warcraft fake gold reality, we will finally have complete control over everyone. There will be literally nothing economically possible – nothing economically allowed – outside of the controlled video game reality through which we manage and enslave the masses of humanity beneath us.”
“It’ll be excellent!”
Like what you see at The End Times? Want to help us pay the bills and keep the Apocalyptic Satire going? If so, please consider dropping a few bucks in the tip jar.
Thanks!
You can also get a detailed look into what we’re doing and why we’re doing it by reading Mocking The Prophets Of Baal: The Beauty And Power Of Christian Satire (And Why So Many People Hate It) over at FireBreathingChristian.com.
