ORLANDO, FL – In a tragic, unexpected twist utterly incompatible with the health and wealth prosperity gospel she’d so vigorously pitched and massively profited from over her many long decades of promoting the most gaudy form of televangelism known to man, Trinity Broadcasting Network (TBN) co-founder Jan Crouch passed away earlier today in the aftermath of a massive stroke, going on to join the top of her wig in Heaven, according to reports coming out of TBN headquarters.
“Words cannot express the shock and sadness that the TBN family is feeling now,” noted iconic TBN product and living caricature of a smarmy, scam-master televangelist Benny Hinn. “And speaking of words, if Jan had just stuck to saying the right ones – you know, about being healthy, wealthy and alive and stuff – then none of this would have happened.”
“Clearly there was a slip-up here, but that’s all behind us now,” added fellow word-faith prosperity pitching legend Joel Osteen via press release from his Lakewood mega-mega-mega-church in Houston. “Right now we should just focus on remembering Jan as we all knew and loved her, while saving speculation as to which accidentally uttered word might have killed her for another time.”
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