ST. LOUIS, MO – After many long decades of sliding deeper and deeper down a path of apathy, laziness, and cultural disengagement born of rampant biblical illiteracy and an obsession with a shallow, weak, self-centered little counterfeit gospel, Southern Baptists today finally cut to the chase and formally voted to officially admit total defeat in the culture war.
“I’m just so glad that’s over,” admitted Ben Arnold, a 24 year-old youth pastor from Florida. “Now that we’ve finally officially surrendered the culture, we can start really focusing on the gospel.”
Mr. Arnold’s sentiments were echoed throughout much of the Southern Baptist Convention (SBC) assembly.
Dr. Russell Moore, President of the SBC’s Ethics & Religious Liberty Commission, has been leading the denomination to cultural surrender for years, advancing the cause of mosques being built in America out of devotion to a satanic spin on “religious liberty” while simultaneously and steadfastly refusing to address the murder of babies in abortion mills as “murder”.
“I just think it’s great that with this vote we’ve finally gotten the culture thing out of the way,” explained Moore while smiling broadly after the vote was taken. “Now we can start to really love our neighbors by being super nice and helping them to build mosques and murder babies without feeling judged or confronted in any meaningful way.”
“After all, isn’t that what Christianity’s all about?”
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