NEW YORK, NY – Paula White, Senior Pastorette at Destiny Christian Center near Orlando and spiritual confidant of presumptive Republican nominee Donald Trump, is emphatically confirming reports that she is the oft-vaguely-cited “evangelical leader” responsible for leading Trump to Jesus.
“I totally led Donald to Jesus,” confirmed White between takes for an infomercial she’s shooting for her new line of make-up for pretend pastors. “Totally. I totally did that.”
“Just like Dr. James Dobson said I did.”
“Totally.”
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